Kuwait Stuttering Group

It might sound untrue that stammer could be a blessing, to someone like me who have been suffering from stammer for 23 years; but frankly it’s true and unfortunately I have realized it not in an early age.

Only one percent of the human population are known to be stammers. Out of those who carry the burden of being stammers only one in five are female; and I was chosen By Allah to be the lady who stammers. Why me? Is a question that many people who stammer would ask; Why me? Is either taken negatively or positively by noticing the objectives of this impediment?

The fact that people are not aware how graceful they are for the fluent tongue they have can lead them to assaulting it by the harmful uncensored words that can come out of their easy moving tongue; A stammer would think his words before uttering them and that is a blessing by it self

Allah said: “The believers must (eventually) win through, Those who humble themselves in their prayers; Who avoid vain talk”

Allah said: “Not a word does he utter but there is a sentinel by him, ready (to note it)“

“From Mu’adh bin Jabal, radiyallahu ‘anhu, who said: I said:

“O Messenger of Allah, tell me of a deed which will take me into Paradise and will keep me away from the Hell-fire.” He said: “You have asked me about a great matter, yet it is, indeed, an easy matter for him to whom Allah Almighty makes it easy. (It is ) that you worship Allah without associating anything with Him, that you perform the prayers, that you pay the zakat, that you fast during Ramadan, and that you make the pilgrimage to the House.”

Then he said: “Shall I not guide you to the gates of goodness? Fasting is a shield; charity extinguishes sin as water extinguishes fire; and a man’s prayer in the middle of the night.” Then he recited: “Who forsake their beds to cry unto their Lord in fear and hope, and spend of that We have bestowed on them. No soul knoweth what is kept hid for them of joy, as a reward for what they used to do”. [Qu’ran, Surah al-Sajdah (32): Ayah 16-17]

Then he said: “Shall I not also tell you of the peak of the matter, its pillar, and its topmost part?” I said: “Yes, O Messenger of Allah.” He said: “The peak of the matter is Islam (submission to Allah), the pillar is prayer; and its topmost part is jihad.” Then he said: “And shall I not tell you of the controlling of all that ?” I said:” Yes, O Messenger of Allah”. So he took hold of his tongue and said: “Restrain this.” I said: “O Prophet of Allah, will we be held accountable for what we say?” He said: “May your mother be bereft of you! Is there anything that topples people on their faces (or he said, on their noses) into the Hell-fire other than the jests of their tongues?”

[Related by Al-Tirmidhi, who said it was a fine and sound hadith]“

From the holy book (Quraan) and the instructions of our prophet Mohammad PBUH we know that talking has rules; and the main rule is censoring our words, to say what’s useful, fair and good and by stammering we have an automatic censor that others don’t have.

I have realized lately that my hardship with stammer is worth it.

A dear friend of mine has sent me the following email to post it and share her experience with others:

I have been a stammerer for over 18 years now. And as all of you stammerers know that we tend to avoid telephone calls, mainly because once we face a block, the listener on the other line cannot know the situation we are in, and would therefore think that the line has been disconnected and this creates embarrassment for us. Another reason is because no time is supposed to be wasted during a telephone call, especially if the listener was the caller cuz you wouldn’t want them to end up paying for your stammering! Simply put, I spent the last 18 years of my life trying to avoid phone calls as much as I can, and using sms and email instead which is one main reason why I lost touch with most of my friends after we stopped *seeing* each other post graduation.

Until one Sunday morning, exactly a November 18th, I received a sms from one of those friends which said the following, “Hi dear how are you? U r invited to *our friend’s* wedding on sun 19 nov @ hyatt regency, mine & ur invitation cards got dropped at our other friend’s house last Thursday but I couldn’t go to her house to pick them up, I tried calling u 2day but ur phone was off! The entrance is card-free! Sorry 4 the short notice but the bride will be very glad 2 c u @ her wedding :-D” I was so happy to receive it as *our friend* is one of my very dear childhood friends, I cherish her a lot and was very happy to know that she was getting married. I decided to attend the wedding.

I recall that I was so busy that morning that I couldn’t reply to her sms once I received it. Then later that afternoon she called as I was still caught up with work, and answering her call at that moment would have put me in a stressful-stammering-in-a-phone-call situation which will impact my concentration at work, therefore, I didn’t answer her call. And at that moment, I convinced myself by thinking.. hey.. if the wedding is tomorrow, then I’ll call her back tomorrow. Of course I was just looking for a way out to “avoid” that phone call. Especially that I haven’t spoken to this friend ages ago, and I was worried she had forgotten how I stammered and will be shocked when she hears me stammer now. Instead, I smsed back, ignoring the fact that she actually called me twice, saying that I’ll be attending and hoping to see her there.

The following Monday, November 19th, I told my mom about the wedding and got her excited until she offered to accompany me. I was happy as I had no one else to go with. My dentist called and asked me to confirm my appointment for that day but I cancelled and actually told the nurse “Well, I can’t come to the appointment today. I have an invitation to attend :)’ And yes, that smile was on my face and my eyes were twinkling with content and sweet anticipation of meeting my old school friends and sharing my childhood friend her happiness on her wedding day. Even a co-worker suggested that I would go out for lunch with her and then go for some shopping, but I apologized and told her that I’m invited to a wedding tonight. I left work earlier than usual (not earlier than I should) that even my brother arrived later and made fun of it. I replied by saying “Well I came early today cuz I’ll be attending a wedding :)” And yes that same smile was on my face as I said it.. and the same twinkle in my eyes.

I had my lunch, took a short nap, and woke up thinking I’m running out of time to prepare for the wedding. I took a half an hour bath (much shorter than I usually do!) and started wrapped up my hair in rollers and waited under the dryer. As I was putting on my make-up, I was consulting my sis on whether my hair looked nice or not, is my make-up fine or not… I expressed my nervousness to her also.. saying ‘wow, I haven’t seen those friends for almost a year now, I hope I won’t feel awkward around them! ‘ and smiled to myself as I imagined my childhood friend sitting in her wedding gown, and she looking down at me feeling happy that I had made it to her wedding and shared her big moment with her.

It’s finally 9:00 pm and I had still not finished preparing. My mom is all dressed up and she started waiting for me! I hurried and rushed to the car. As I was heading to the car, I remembered that I haven’t applied glitter on my cheeks! Oh bummer! Its ok, what matters is that I make it to the wedding. My stomach had also started growling as I haven’t eaten anything since lunch, and it was 9:30 pm already. It’s alright. they’ll be serving dinner at the wedding. On our way to the hotel, mom was wondering about the wedding decorations and band. I said to her ‘Mom! Who cares about the wedding decorations and band? We’re going for my friend. What matters is we attend the wedding’. Shortly before arrival I was worried that I’ll be going alone to greet my friend, and expressed that to my mom, and mom joyfully offered to accompany me. “She’s your childhood friend, I love her and I love her family. Her mom is such a nice lady and I want to congratulate her too’.

As I was approaching the hotel’s gate, there did not seem to be any sign of abayas.. or happiness spirit.. or cars dropping off ladies.. or wedding decorations…or the sound of the band’s drums.. I couldn’t believe my eyes.. I wanted to deny the emptiness that I saw and call my friend and go like ‘Hey! Where r u now? Did you arrive?’. I made that call… but no answer… Meanwhile, I was getting closer and closer to the ballroom door… nothing… an empty desert.. no sign of any human being.. no abayas.. no happiness spirit.. no cars dropping off ladies.. no wedding decorations.. no sound of the band’s drums.. I smsed my friend… telling her that she had told me it was on the 19th and that I’m here and there’s no wedding… My friend called back… as cold as a piece of ice in winter… “Well, I also did write it was Sunday.. you should have paid attention that the 19h of Nov is not on a Sunday, that’s why I called you that afternoon, cuz I realized the mistake in the date.. and I wanted to make sure you understood it was *today*.. Sunday.. the 18th.. and not Monday.. the 19th’.

Even though I tried to explain to her.. that it’s usually the date that counts.. even though I tried to make her feel guilty that she should have informed me the day she had received the card , which was Thursday.. even though I tried to understand why hadn’t she corrected her wrong message by sending another message… but nothing can compensate me for missing my childhood friend’s wedding….

Yes my friend had made a mistake, but should I not have avoided answering that phone call.. I would have probably gone out with my co-worker.. attended my dentist’s appointment.. came home later than my bro.. spend more time in the bath.. saved energy in blow-drying my hair.. saved on the make-up I used.. had dinner that night.. all on Monday the 19th… and attended my childhood friend’s wedding.. on Sunday the 18th.

So, to all stammerrers out there… whenever you receive a call, please take it. Even if you were certain that tie will block to the extent that you might end up not being able to utter a word.. but still.. take the call.. and just *listen* to what the caller has to say… sometimes when people call.. they usually want to *tell* you something that you really……… need to know.

What do we do in our meetings?

We provide each other moral support, information, and advice on problems relating to some shared characteristic or experience.

How do we do that?

We do it through meeting on monthly basis , to discuss topics related to stammering, exchange information, bring up up-to-date information, desensitizing the issue by stammering freely, and do activities to build our own self image, and start to deal with emotional baggage many stammerers have.

What Activities?

1. Reading loud
2. Role play
3. Practicing with the Telephone (Link)
4. Voluntary stammering ((Link
5. Having talks from Professionals (ex: speech Therapists)
6. Interviewing Strong leaders who stammer
7. Doing presentations (to loosen the tense a stammer would feel during it)

In Conclusion

We enjoy speaking

My stammer is what labels me beside my wisdom to some and my craziness to others. The reason I’m labeled by it, is that I stammered since I was four, which makes it a big part of my life and in some phases my whole life. Since I have stammered for 23 years, I have got enough experience to know what a stammerer needs other than speech therapy.

It is support that a stammer is most in need for; people who knows how she/he feels, who will listen to them and not be bothered by their blocking, repeating or even choosing to remain silent.

You stammer as me? I will listen to you as you wish people would do. No time pressure, no eye contact avoidance, no awkward looks and will concentrate on your talk not the way you talk.

You stammer as me? I will feel you and understand it when you say “I’m clever and have many to say but just can’t get it out the way I want” or “talking in meetings and presentations are my worst nightmares”.

You stammer as me? Contact us on Kuwaitstutter@gmail.com, and be a member in Kuwait Stutter Group, a dream of an association on its first step.