Kuwait Stuttering Group

A dear friend of mine has sent me the following email to post it and share her experience with others:

I have been a stammerer for over 18 years now. And as all of you stammerers know that we tend to avoid telephone calls, mainly because once we face a block, the listener on the other line cannot know the situation we are in, and would therefore think that the line has been disconnected and this creates embarrassment for us. Another reason is because no time is supposed to be wasted during a telephone call, especially if the listener was the caller cuz you wouldn’t want them to end up paying for your stammering! Simply put, I spent the last 18 years of my life trying to avoid phone calls as much as I can, and using sms and email instead which is one main reason why I lost touch with most of my friends after we stopped *seeing* each other post graduation.

Until one Sunday morning, exactly a November 18th, I received a sms from one of those friends which said the following, “Hi dear how are you? U r invited to *our friend’s* wedding on sun 19 nov @ hyatt regency, mine & ur invitation cards got dropped at our other friend’s house last Thursday but I couldn’t go to her house to pick them up, I tried calling u 2day but ur phone was off! The entrance is card-free! Sorry 4 the short notice but the bride will be very glad 2 c u @ her wedding :-D” I was so happy to receive it as *our friend* is one of my very dear childhood friends, I cherish her a lot and was very happy to know that she was getting married. I decided to attend the wedding.

I recall that I was so busy that morning that I couldn’t reply to her sms once I received it. Then later that afternoon she called as I was still caught up with work, and answering her call at that moment would have put me in a stressful-stammering-in-a-phone-call situation which will impact my concentration at work, therefore, I didn’t answer her call. And at that moment, I convinced myself by thinking.. hey.. if the wedding is tomorrow, then I’ll call her back tomorrow. Of course I was just looking for a way out to “avoid” that phone call. Especially that I haven’t spoken to this friend ages ago, and I was worried she had forgotten how I stammered and will be shocked when she hears me stammer now. Instead, I smsed back, ignoring the fact that she actually called me twice, saying that I’ll be attending and hoping to see her there.

The following Monday, November 19th, I told my mom about the wedding and got her excited until she offered to accompany me. I was happy as I had no one else to go with. My dentist called and asked me to confirm my appointment for that day but I cancelled and actually told the nurse “Well, I can’t come to the appointment today. I have an invitation to attend :)’ And yes, that smile was on my face and my eyes were twinkling with content and sweet anticipation of meeting my old school friends and sharing my childhood friend her happiness on her wedding day. Even a co-worker suggested that I would go out for lunch with her and then go for some shopping, but I apologized and told her that I’m invited to a wedding tonight. I left work earlier than usual (not earlier than I should) that even my brother arrived later and made fun of it. I replied by saying “Well I came early today cuz I’ll be attending a wedding :)” And yes that same smile was on my face as I said it.. and the same twinkle in my eyes.

I had my lunch, took a short nap, and woke up thinking I’m running out of time to prepare for the wedding. I took a half an hour bath (much shorter than I usually do!) and started wrapped up my hair in rollers and waited under the dryer. As I was putting on my make-up, I was consulting my sis on whether my hair looked nice or not, is my make-up fine or not… I expressed my nervousness to her also.. saying ‘wow, I haven’t seen those friends for almost a year now, I hope I won’t feel awkward around them! ‘ and smiled to myself as I imagined my childhood friend sitting in her wedding gown, and she looking down at me feeling happy that I had made it to her wedding and shared her big moment with her.

It’s finally 9:00 pm and I had still not finished preparing. My mom is all dressed up and she started waiting for me! I hurried and rushed to the car. As I was heading to the car, I remembered that I haven’t applied glitter on my cheeks! Oh bummer! Its ok, what matters is that I make it to the wedding. My stomach had also started growling as I haven’t eaten anything since lunch, and it was 9:30 pm already. It’s alright. they’ll be serving dinner at the wedding. On our way to the hotel, mom was wondering about the wedding decorations and band. I said to her ‘Mom! Who cares about the wedding decorations and band? We’re going for my friend. What matters is we attend the wedding’. Shortly before arrival I was worried that I’ll be going alone to greet my friend, and expressed that to my mom, and mom joyfully offered to accompany me. “She’s your childhood friend, I love her and I love her family. Her mom is such a nice lady and I want to congratulate her too’.

As I was approaching the hotel’s gate, there did not seem to be any sign of abayas.. or happiness spirit.. or cars dropping off ladies.. or wedding decorations…or the sound of the band’s drums.. I couldn’t believe my eyes.. I wanted to deny the emptiness that I saw and call my friend and go like ‘Hey! Where r u now? Did you arrive?’. I made that call… but no answer… Meanwhile, I was getting closer and closer to the ballroom door… nothing… an empty desert.. no sign of any human being.. no abayas.. no happiness spirit.. no cars dropping off ladies.. no wedding decorations.. no sound of the band’s drums.. I smsed my friend… telling her that she had told me it was on the 19th and that I’m here and there’s no wedding… My friend called back… as cold as a piece of ice in winter… “Well, I also did write it was Sunday.. you should have paid attention that the 19h of Nov is not on a Sunday, that’s why I called you that afternoon, cuz I realized the mistake in the date.. and I wanted to make sure you understood it was *today*.. Sunday.. the 18th.. and not Monday.. the 19th’.

Even though I tried to explain to her.. that it’s usually the date that counts.. even though I tried to make her feel guilty that she should have informed me the day she had received the card , which was Thursday.. even though I tried to understand why hadn’t she corrected her wrong message by sending another message… but nothing can compensate me for missing my childhood friend’s wedding….

Yes my friend had made a mistake, but should I not have avoided answering that phone call.. I would have probably gone out with my co-worker.. attended my dentist’s appointment.. came home later than my bro.. spend more time in the bath.. saved energy in blow-drying my hair.. saved on the make-up I used.. had dinner that night.. all on Monday the 19th… and attended my childhood friend’s wedding.. on Sunday the 18th.

So, to all stammerrers out there… whenever you receive a call, please take it. Even if you were certain that tie will block to the extent that you might end up not being able to utter a word.. but still.. take the call.. and just *listen* to what the caller has to say… sometimes when people call.. they usually want to *tell* you something that you really……… need to know.